Admit it; in life we cannot prevent ourselves from doing mistakes to others. Sometimes we do it not once but many times. And behind our mistakes there are words that could save you from those. The infamous “I’m sorry” “I didn’t mean it…” “I won’t do it again” phrases that might turn someone’s heart into “Alright…”,” That’s fine.”, ” It doesn’t affect me” or the “Apology accepted” feeling. We even commit that we will not do those mistakes again. But does our “SORRY” would have create any difference? Does it ever? Just come to think of it, “SORRY” is just a word. Will you ever brought back things that you have done with your “SORRY”?
In addition, you have done a lot of actions on the contrary side of that “SORRY”. So, does it make any sense, saying we’re sorry and we did not mean what we do?
There are different types of apology that we might used or let’s say, we usually used when committing mistakes.
* APOLOGIZING TO APPEASE
— An apology without sincerity. You only apologize to avoid his/her anger. This type of apology doesn’t mean anything thus doesn’t resolve anything. Let’s say for example, you as a husband have committed to get home early tonight and it’s late but you’re not home yet. To make it worse, you’re drunk. Since you know that you are to go home early and you were not able to do it. You know the consequence. Shots of anger and annoying mouths will hit you. So to be able to avoid the madness, you will quickly apologize stating “OK, I’m apologizing so just calm down,” and it’s nothing.
*APOLOGIZING ON DEMAND
— If you have done something that appeals to be offensive and you do not recognize it or you think it is just fine and yet for others it’s not. They will demand an apology from you whether it is written or not, it is considered as one.
*APOLOGIZING WITHOUT APOLOGIZING
— This one is considered as the “You are sincere yet you do not claim that you have done something wrong towards someone” apology. This is common to couples who were about to split up saying “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “If it is my fault, I apologize. The key word is there already. If you use the word “IF”, it implies that you really do not claim whatever it is that you have done and you are completely clueless about it.
Hence, what you mean is, “I don’t think I really did anything you but if you think I hurt you then I will dutifully apologize.” It is still an apology but since you do not have any idea of what you have committed and you doubt about it. You only apologize just to assure that you’re away from any guilt, it is actually meaningless.
*APOLOGIZING FROM GUILT
— This is an apology to ease your guilt and clean your conscience. We sometimes used it whenever we have committed a mistake and it hurts that person the most. For example, a person dies and it’s too late for you to apologize. You go to his/her grave and say “I’m very sorry”. But, again, it is only for you to relieve your guilt. There’s real little emotional connection to it.
*APOLOGIZING TO BE POLITE
— This type of apology is used as a way of showing courtesy or to gain approval for how “nice’ you are. You always apologize for everything, almost as though you are alive as a human.
You say “Sorry” when you cough, you were about to hit someone beside you, you sneeze, when you were getting in someone’s way and any other gestures that you think deserve to get an apology.
It shows how polite you are yet it is some kind of too excessive that it gains an approval to others. You wanted to be seen as a good person, and a considerate one. Generally, the meaning of your apology is “I’m a nice person and I’m not a threat to you or anybody. Let’s be friends and have fun today.” This is the higher level of apology that you can use when it comes to your everyday living than that of the preceding four apologies.
*APOLOGIZING FROM LOVE
— Obviously, this type of apology comes from a person close to our hearts: your family, your best friend or your boyfriend/girlfriend.
This type of apology gains a lot of sincerity that it is accompanied by tears of sadness or joy, because we didn’t really mean to do such mistakes and that person is important to us saying that ” I love and care about you and your happiness is my ultimate goal.
If there is anything wrong with a relationship, this is the kind of apology that can truly mend it.
Yes, “Sorry” is just a word and it cannot bring back whatever it is that one had done to you. But the fact that he forgets and disregards his pride, the apology MUST BE accepted. Paul Boese, a producer and director said, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future”. There is nothing to lose when you forgive and forget mistakes, the fact that one can change for the better in order to be a responsible person is already a big point.